Shhhh… We can’t say anything more. The walls are listening. Read at your own risk…

1. I found this old picture of me hugging my wife and kids.
The only problem is, I never got married.

2. “I’M ALIVE!”, I shouted repeatedly, after miraculously surviving a car accident that should have killed me.
Miles from civilization and buried six feet deep, my screams went unheard.

3. The phone kept ringing over and over on the receptionist’s desk.
I didn’t dare answer as the power to the building was cut when the asylum closed over 40 years ago.

4. I ended up meeting someone I knew on a blind date last night.
Wouldn’t have been that weird if it wasn’t my late-wife.

5. My mom walked into my room and I stood behind her, yelled “boo!”, frightening her.
I guess it was funnier when I was alive.

6. I smiled wide at the pretty girl in the mirror, proud of my newfound makeup skills.
My smile faded, while hers grew, when I realized we’re not wearing the same lip color.

7. “You are not alone, I promise,” he whispered looking down at me.
I could feel the bodies of his other victims as he began refilling the grave.

8. I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I’m writing.
It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.

9. Knowing the game would take several hours to download, I went to bed.
When I woke up the next morning, I saw a pop up window asking me to confirm the download.

10. The driver wasn’t very chatty, so I checked my phone.
“Hey, it’s your Uber. I’m outside”

11. They say a shiver down your spine means that someone’s walking over your future burial site.
As my husband walks around outside, gardening, the shivers won’t stop.

12. The people of the town said a monster lived in the woods. I frankly found it ridiculous.
For I was the only one who lived in the woods, and I have seen no monster.

13. My mom says I need to start taking my schizophrenia medication again because it’s unhealthy for me to suddenly stop talking to them.
But it’s the only way I can keep her around.

14. I had a dream I was being dragged to hell, burning and writhing in agony.
I woke up with the doctor standing over me, saying “whew, we’d lost you for a few minutes.”