In that moment we were infinite.

Dear Charlie,

I have just completed reading all the letters that you had written. I’m happy that you considered me as your friend and emptied yourself out in those letters.

For you, these letters must have been just a way to channel out your emotions and feelings in the form of words which you had suppressed for a long time but for me, they were much more than that. They turned out to be a mirror in which I saw you as my reflection. They were the reason I developed a taste in 90’s music. All the mixtapes of your favourite songs have now become my playlist and the song ‘Asleep’ by The Smiths is close to my heart. All the books you mentioned rest peacefully in my TBR.

I have even started with ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ which was the first book given to you by Bill. Through the letters, I was able to be at the places you have been – the tunnel; see the things you have seen, feel the emotions you have felt – love for Sam and Patrick. ‘Everybody goes through the bad phases. That’s life!’. That’s what people say when we share our problems with them. But you have always interpreted the things differently by putting them into perspective. You said – ” Even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have. ” You have become one of the most important person in my life, Charlie. You will be my anchor which I will hold onto whenever the days feel gloomy and nights feel dark.

You have made me believe that it’s possible to fight the demons inside my mind. It may take time and sometimes it might feel like a never-ending process. But after a long battle, there will be one fine day when it will end and the demons will cease to exist and you will feel much happier and lighter than you have ever felt. On that glorious day, you will enjoy the surroundings, you will admire how beautiful nature is, your mind will sway like the trees in the cold breeze and you will feel like you are the air. At that moment, you will feel infinite. I have learnt this from you. Thank you so much, Charlie, for everything. .

Love always, Samkit